The MOTHERPRENEUR’s
| GUIDE to KISS your EXCUSES GOODBYE |
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Seven Excuses no more! |
| Too old to live your dream? Not enough time to do what you always wanted to do? Are you allowing your children to hold you back?
Practical, no-nonsense tips to kiss these and more excuses goodbye. |
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Christina Waschko, 2014 |
From my home to yours:
We all have a dream in our heart or a grand idea in our head. We day dream about it, we contemplate on how exactly we can make this idea a reality. We ponder, calculate, dream…and come up with excuses why not to do it.
Isn’t that just crazy? We want something so badly and we are holding ourselves back from going after it! For one reason or another we are coming up with excuses.
How often have you heard somebody say: “When I was younger I wanted to climb the Eifel tower, now I am too old?”
“I never wanted to become a clerk. It’s not really what I wanted to do in life but at least it pays my bills. Now I don’t have any experiences in anything else.”
“I always wanted to move to Italy, write some books and live the dolce vita. That was years ago. Today I could never immigrate. My children need a stable environment, they are too small. The kids need their grandparents and my husband thinks I am crazy.”
Making excuses is like having our best friends around. They are reliable, they never get sick and they always show up whenever we need them!
We all call upon these ‘special friends’ to help us out in a sticky situation- instead of facing the music head on. This is normal human behavior, wouldn’t you agree? However, like everything in life we should use excuses wisely, sparingly and in moderation. Otherwise we never get things done, move forward or experience some truly amazing adventures during our lifetime.
I know exactly what I am writing about-for the first 23 years of my life I held myself back from following my heart because I was afraid to fail, to embarrass myself, to get rejected, misunderstood…etc it was scary, really. My excuses ranged from blaming
My culture (Germans don’t dream big, we colour inside the box, never outside the lines).
My parents (they never allowed me to dream, they wanted me to have a ‘safe’ 9-5 job).
My upbringing (My peers told me teaching aerobics is for PE (Physical Education) students. This is a fun, part-time job. Not a serious career choice. My neighbours told me “moving to London is ridiculous. I could never find a job there. London’s unemployment rate is huge”.
My age (I told myself I was too young and unqualified to write a book when I was 15).
My gender (At one point in my life I was seriously thinking about becoming a reporter. Then the little voices inside my head started talking: You are a girl. Women can’t become reporters flying to crisis areas. It is way too dangerous. You don’t have the experience anyway. My father told me going to university wasn’t for me. I am a girl. None of us Waschkos ever received a school education higher than high school- so why should I be the first?).
Oh well – over the years I realized nothing is ever going to change if I don’t change. So I mustered all my courage. I was prepared to embarrass myself, to fail and to win! I started Kissing my Excuses Goodbye and left my home in Germany!
This was 26 years ago. Throughout these years I lived in six different countries (Australia, Fiji, USA, England, The Netherlands, and Canada) and followed my heart. I became a fitness instructor, went to University (Bsc Honours Fitness and Health), opened and run a successful coffee shop (Strawberry Lounge) in the heart of The Netherlands, wrote a book (The Strawberry Lounge Story, How I got over my fears, dumped my excuses and started the business of my dreams the motherpreneur way) and now I am producing and hosting my own web show MotherpreneurTV.
Oh yes, I did a lot of kissing over the years. Let me share with you tried and tested tips on how to
Kiss seven of the most typical excuses goodbye:
1. I’m too busy. I don’t have time. I’m too tired.
We are all busy, aren’t we? It doesn’t matter if we are single with no children or if we are a parent.
We always find things to do, to organize, to plan, to schedule, to bake, to drive to, a meeting toattend, activities to go to, a school performance towatch… Ifwe are a working mother life can become a bit more crazy and tiresome!
We feel valued and appreciated if we receive invites to social events. We feel valued if somebody asks us for advice or to help out. Is this why being busy feels so good?
Here is how to Kiss the above mentioned Excuses Goodbye:
– Say no to hang out with your friends every so often. If they are real friends they will understand and don’t mind. In order to create something new in our life we need quiet time; we need time to think and time to plan. This can’t be done if we keep on rushing from appointment to appointment.
The added bonus of skipping a few social engagements is-yes, more rest. Whenever you stay at home make it a rule to go to bed earlier than normal.
– It is even ok to say no to certain projects at work. You can say no with lots of gratitude.
– Stop watching TV for the sake of watching it. Turn your TV off one hour before you normally do.
Here are a few more ideas for saving time:
Plan your shopping trips.
Hit all the shops you need to go to in one sweep. Combine dropping off your children with a trip to the grocery store. Pick up dry-cleaning after you have been to the hairdresser; allocate one morning or afternoon to do thorough house cleaning.
Do all your emails and social media at one time during the day and not scattered throughout the day.
Remember, You are the CEO of @YOURLIFE. Live
Decide what is important to you and act upon it. Have you heard of this old saying:
If you really want to do something you will find the time. If not you will find excuses!
This sums it all up, doesn’t it? Now please, roll up your sleeves and get back to the drawing board.
Here is another way of looking at the concept of time: This is one of my you tube videos, entitled: How to create more time to do anything http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ6eKo_pXA8
2. I don’t have enough money
I know too well about this one! When I started my own coffee shop I invested my life savings into the enterprise. Only to realize it still wasn’t enough!
Not having enough money can affect us in one of two ways: We either give up or we will become very excited and very creative!
Not many of us have ready available resources to create exactly what we have in our mind. In my case it meant to bootstrap. I furnished my shop with second hand furniture and crockery from various thrift stores!
Most of us consider going to the bank if we lack funds. To borrow money from the banks is expensive. In order to borrow most banks require a guarantee or a guarantor of some sort (e.g. your house, your car, a boat your parents, your uncle, anything of value or somebody who could help out if you are falling behind with your payments).
What if you can’t provide any of these?
Go back to the drawing board and recalculate the cost of your future enterprise, the adventure trip or whatever it is you want to do.
You need to be brutally honest with yourself and your project. How much money do you need to get your idea off the ground?
If the final project is too expensive don’t despair. Tweak your dream and start off with something smaller. For example, you plan on opening up an Italian style restaurant in the old part of your town but couldn’t get a bank loan. What should you do? Give up? Oh no! Become creative. Tweak your idea to fit your current budget. Start a catering business which specializes in Italian cooking.
Here are a few ideas of how to put money into your dream account:
-The easiest way to raise funds is to get off your daily Starbuck’s addiction (or any other kind).
– Dine-in more often. Keep visits to restaurants special.
– Have only one Martini at the bar instead of several ones. It will save you the headache in the morning and will leave more cash in your pockets.
– Shopping on the High Street? Try thrifting for a change. It is more adventurous and saves big bucks!
– Honestly, how many different pairs of shoes does one woman need? Take stock. I bet you have more than enough already.
– Consider renting out parts of your apartment if space allows. Think of (exchange) students.
– Consider taking a second job for a period of time. Work during the weekend or in the evening. It only needs to be temporarily to give you some extra, ready available funding.
One of the fastest ways to add to your savings account is to make personal sacrifices. It also is one of the hardest things to do because we don’t want to deprive ourselves from what we call fun, entertainment or pleasure. Once again, you are in charge!
Now please, roll up your sleeves and get back to the drawing board!
3. It won’t work. It’s not reality. I am dreaming. It’s too difficult
Who told you that? Your well-meaning parents, friends, colleagues, or your negative inner critic? One way or another, they are right. Whatever you are telling yourself is going to happen. Whatever you are willing to listen to and believe in will be your truth. But don’t worry, there is help at hand! Research your dream carefully. Learn all the things you need to know to make your dream a reality and take consistent steps necessary to achieve it.
Take your big plan and break it into smaller pieces. Looking at the grand project can be daunting and it’s difficult to know where to start.
Big dreams are like huge mountains to climb. Just like a mountain climber you need to map out your route and start with the first step. Start at the bottom with the easiest part of your project. E.g. doing research. Completing the simple tasks first gets you motivated and gets the ball rolling. Once you start you will be amazed how many individuals you are going to meet who are willing to help you along the way. Just like a climber you will become accustomed to your path; you will become fitter, more confident in your abilities and you are going to trust yourself more.
Take it bit by bit, day by day; take mini steps towards what you want and keep on going. Relentlessly- whatever stands in your way…keep on going!
Want to know another secret to overcoming this negative mindset?
Fall in love with yourself over and over again (in a non-narcissistic way). Fall in love with who you are and your abilities to make a difference! Fall in love with your amazing, fabulous dream! The rest will follow suit, believe me.
Here is the plan: Look in the mirror and give yourself a pep-talk. E.g. “Christina, you are amazing! You are an inspirational writer and a fun presenter. You have an abundance of wisdom, knowledge and experience to share with the world.”
Please take a look at this video: My guest Jackie Mclean is explaining how we can reprogram our mind- to success:
4. I have no (business) experience.
Fabulous! What better way to learn the job than by doing the job?
Being experienced might give you confidence but it can also kill creativity. Highly experienced individuals often disregard fresh, new ideas because they think they know it all.
Instead of feeling fearful and inadequate about your lack of experiences turn these feelings around and see opportunities and fun instead. Why is this so much better?
You will break standard industry rules because you don’t know better. That behavior alone will make you stand out from the crowd. You are fresh! You are different!
I am not talking about breaking any legal rules here. I am referring to the standard etiquette of the industry you want to be part of. For example, when I started Strawberry Lounge I didn’t know all the slices of cakes needed to be the same size or that I needed to fill the glasses halfway only. Nothing was standard in my shop. I did it all my way, all the way and my guests loved me for it!
The saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ goes a long way when starting your own dream. You are doing it your way with all your heart and all your passion-and this is highly contagious!
Be bold, be crazy, be you!
If this sounds too risky for your liking start volunteering or take a part-time/weekend job to gain some experience in your desired field.
5. My partner doesn’t understand me!
Oh no!
When we are in a partnership it is so important that we support each other all the way-either emotionally or financially! It’s only fair to say your partner has a hard time getting inside your head?! You are the one who dreamed about standing on top of Mt. Everest/ live in Italy/ write that book/own a B&B on the beach.
It is absolutely necessary to ‘sell’ your idea to your partner; if you are serious about changing your life your partner needs to know about it and needs to support you. There is nothing worse than coming home to a nagging husband/wife who doesn’t see the bigger picture of what you are doing or want to achieve.
Here is what you do:
Plan a date night, cook a nice meal and make sure his glass is always full!
Then proceed with telling him exactly what it is you want to do and why it is so important for you. For example, you want to own a restaurant on the beach because you have the best childhood memories of visiting restaurants on the water.
Present a mini business plan to him so he knows you have done your homework.
Prepare your husband by telling him exactly how his life is going to be affected for the unforeseen future! Make sure you know what his needs are and if you can still fulfill them during your ‘living the dream’ – phase!
Does he expect home cooked meals every night? A clean home to come back to? Going out with you during the weekend? Playing tennis with you every Tuesday?
Be honest: Will you be able to cook meals every day of the week during your start-up phase? I don’t think so- or will you?
Will you be able to clean your home as thoroughly? You will have time to tidy up at the most, or get help for running the household.
Will you have the energy to go out during the weekend?
Tell your husband his world will be put upside down for a while. However, he needs to know this is only temporarily and pretty soon everything will be back to normal (hopefully)!
Present the bright side of your project. What are the advantages of living your dream? Mention the satisfaction you will feel, you will become an even better mother and partner because you are in charge of your future. You will earn (more) money, you will contribute more to the running household expenses.
Show your husband you are taking steps towards your dream.
By nature men are problem solvers. They want to see progress of some sort. If you show him a detailed business plan in January and nothing has happened by July he will seriously doubt your sincerity. So please, get on with it!
Take a peek at this video “How to Man-Up to your Wife”:
6. My kids are too small/ they need me
Our children deserve love, care, devotion and attention. As a mother of three boys I realized sure, that is so true! However, our children always need love, care and devotion-regardless of how old they are.
If you are holding yourself back because your children need you, allow me to share this universal truth with you:
Our children will always need us!
We as parent or care givers are always needed. Just in a different way. When our kids are small they need us for protection and survival. When they are older they need us to listening to their stories or driving them to their after school activities. Teenagers need to know their parents care- otherwise they will become reckless.
Here are a few tips:
From experience speaking I can say:
⁃ The easiest time to start something new is with a baby. Babies don’t need much. They can’t run away yet or talk your ears off. All they need is a safe place to sleep, eat, drink and getting their nappies changed.
⁃ Children are very adaptable. We feel guilty if we have to leave them in the care of a third person. I know, I cried each and every time I left my boys at pre-school. Looking back at this time I can say, my boys copied my reaction, i.e. when I cried they cried. When I walked away with a spring in my step they waved happily goodbye.
⁃ If you don’t have professional help available make a deal with one of your friends. Swap child care services. If you work in a shop take your children with you. It’s not the best solution but it’s possible.
⁃ If you are working from home and you don’t have a babysitter become very disciplined. Work when the kids are sleeping; let them watch TV for an hour while you are finishing off a letter or a proposal. Put in some night shifts if necessary.
⁃ When your children go to school work during their school time and do any household chores after you picked them up from school again. If you are very disciplined you will get lots of things done during these few hours alone. Take advantage of them.
7. I am too old
Of coursewe all know this is nonsense. We all know we are never too old to learn or experience something new. Tell this to my 70 year old dad. He knows how to open up an email- and that’s it. He refuses to learn and expand his horizon. We explained to him the advantages of becoming more computer literate, e.g. he can stay in touch with his grand kids more easily, he could do internet banking, he could find information much faster and easier than looking through his old thesaurus. But no, he doesn’t have any of this. Why? He considers himself as ‘too old’.
My dad says “I don’t care anymore”, I am not interested in this (e.g.) new technology. What he is really saying is: I am content with who I am. I don’t want to change. I don’t want to learn. I lived my life this long without using a computer, why should I now?
Well, if you are anything like my dad then I can’t help you.
If you keep an open mind you know we are never too old for anything. The only prerequisite is: We really want to do it and we are physically and mentally healthy to do so.
Here is how I see it:
⁃ We need to use our age to our advantage.
⁃ We focus on what we have learned over the years and not on what we don’t know or what we are lacking.
⁃ If we need help with any technical stuff we can always ask one of the young ones’ to help us.
Most of us have more financial stability as we get older. Aka, we have funds available to invest.
We have built up a big network of friends, colleagues, acquaintances and networkers to ask for help or advice.
We set an example for others. We become a role model for the younger ones and to our peers of the same age.
We possess fine communication skills and manners. We can still hold our conversations without checking our phones every few minutes.
Certain skills can only be acquired over a period of years. Make a list of what they are and hang them up in your office – to remind you of how amazing you are.
You don’t need to worry about nappy sizes, formula milk products or worrying about if your children need a certain injection or not. You have passed the kiddy stage. Take advantage of the freedom you have today.
Growing older is a privilege – now get yourself out there with all your amazing talents and experiences!
Here is a link to Sara Troy’s video, a 60 year old mother of three who started her own radio station:
8. I don’t want to embarrass myself
Oh yes, that’s another big one. I always thought there comes a time in our life where we just don’t care anymore what others are thinking about me. But no, that doesn’t seem to be the case. My mom for example is so hung on what their neighbours, acquaintances or even friends might say about her.
If you’re holding yourself back from starting your dream because you might embarrass yourself I need to tell you this right now: Living ones dream doesn’t come with a success guarantee attached to it! Even with the best intentions, with lots of practices or with the help of some friends we might ‘fail’.
Do you remember way back at school? You were part of e.g. the dance group. You rehearsed the dance routine for weeks on end. You knew you got it, you remembered every step. And on the day of the performance? The group stepped to the right; you stepped to the left…in full spotlight!
There is no guarantee that you won’t embarrass yourself. The question is,
How do you define embarrassment? How high is your embarrassment level? What does it take to embarrass you?
Why do you care so much?
Who are the ones who might laugh about you? Well, here is what Dr. Seuss has to say about this topic:
“Those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter!”
This is an inner battle you have to fight and win within yourself. Whatever we do in life there are always risks involved. There is always the possibility to crash and burn. There is always the possibility to win big time. As long as we’ve put our heart and soul into our dream there is no reason to feel embarrassed about ‘failing.’ But then, what is failing anyway?
Going after our dream?
Or staying on the sofa-too afraid to go after of what we really want?
Do you want to know what I always do when I am at a cross road?
Whenever I am ready to tackle one of my big, fat scary dreams from my bucket list I ask myself this question:
In 10 years time will I regret not having tried it?
If my answer is ‘yes’ I start kissing my excuses goodbye and roll up my sleeves. Because, there is no better time than now!
Let me sum it up like this:
All the information in the world, the tips of the most accomplished individuals fall on deaf ears if we don’t act and react to them. The magic word and magic ingredient to anything in life is YOU!
That is the only secret there is!
And if you really want a formula then it goes like this:
Decide (it’s time to do it) +
Plan your steps (to make it a reality) +
Kiss your Excuses Goodbye +
Take action = SUCCESS!
Patience, persistence and constant effort on a daily basis is what it takes to accomplish any goal or dream we have. Regardless of how small, big, crazy, normal or farfetched it is!
There is a great kisser in all of us, and you know it!
What are you waiting for?
Thank you so much for reading through these eight excuses. I hope these tips have helped you bring your big, fat dream closer to reality!
Please drop me a line if you have any questions, if you want some more advice, tips or just simply say Hello!
You can reach me at mailto:ChristinaWaschko@gmail.com
I look forward to hearing from you and to listening to your stories!
From me here in Canada, best wishes to you, your family and your future adventures. Please remember, there is never a perfect time to do anything.
The circumstances will never be right and we are never, ever too old to do anything! EVER!
Warmly,
Christina Waschko
This is me:
The Motherpreneur
Christina Waschko writes about and interviews extra-ordinary mothers and how they kissed their excuses good-by. Their stories inspire other mothers to do the same.
One happy mother of three! Book author, http://www.christinawaschko.com/p/my-book.html
How I got over my fears, dumped my excuses and started the business of my dreams the motherpreneur way). Founder and presenter of Motherpreneur TV, Motivational Speaker. World traveler, former fitness instructor, creator of Strawberry Lounge www.strawberrylounge.nl and expert Kisser of my own Excuses Goodbye. Find her at www.christinawaschko.comwww.themotherpreneur.com
Please share these tips with others. The only favour I ask is to keep my name (Christina Waschko – The Motherpreneur) on the copy.